5 Things You Can Do To Improve Your Relationship With Your In-laws

When two families unite, there are bound to be some growing pains. This can be further complicated if spouses come from different backgrounds or families have different beliefs.

While in-law relationships are often portrayed in a negative light in popular culture, they have the potential to be sources of support, love, and companionship when possible.

Here are five things you can do to improve your relationship with your in-laws:

1. Set Boundaries

Establishing clear boundaries is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships with your in-laws. While being respectful and accommodating is important, asserting your needs and preferences is also essential. Communicate your boundaries clearly and assertively, and enforce them when necessary. Remember that boundaries are not about building walls but about creating mutual respect and understanding. Boundaries keep you safe; they do not seek to control your in-laws or change their behavior.

2. Show Appreciation

Expressing gratitude and appreciation can strengthen your relationship with your in-laws. Take the time to acknowledge their efforts, whether it's a small gesture or a significant contribution. Simple acts of kindness, such as sending a thank-you note or offering to help with chores, can help foster goodwill and mutual respect. It’s also important to reinforce any “good behavior.” Try to catch your in-laws “being good” and reinforce that behavior by telling them you appreciate their actions. This will hopefully create better behavior in your relationship.

3. Find Common Ground

Look for common interests and shared experiences that you can bond over with your in-laws. Whether it's a love for gardening, a passion for cooking, or a shared hobby, finding common ground can help bridge the gap and deepen your connection. Make an effort to engage in activities together and create opportunities for quality time spent bonding as a family. Sometimes, this requires getting uncomfortable and doing activities you don’t usually enjoy. Don’t compromise your morals and values in the name of bonding, but try to get to know your in-laws as if they were any other person you’re trying to build a relationship with.

4. Respect Differences

This is a challenging one for many because respect does need to flow both ways. And I know some differences are impossible to respect. In general, it's natural for individuals to have different personalities, values, and perspectives. When you can, embrace and appreciate the differences between yourself and your in-laws, recognizing that diversity enriches our relationships and lives. Avoid changing or controlling them to fit your expectations; instead, focus on accepting and appreciating them for who they are. If some of your differences result in issues like racism, sexism, abuse, neglect, etc., these may not be differences you can tolerate and/or respect, and that makes sense.

5. Maintain Healthy Boundaries with Your Spouse

While fostering a positive relationship with your in-laws is important, it's equally important to prioritize your relationship with your spouse. Maintain open and honest communication with your partner about your feelings and concerns regarding your in-laws, and work together to establish boundaries that protect your marriage while still honoring your familial ties. Your partner must be your ally when interacting with your in-laws and setting boundaries. They should take the lead and ensure your interests are respected and protected.

You Tried All Of This, And It Isn’t Working

If you have tried prioritizing open communication, setting boundaries, showing appreciation, finding common ground, respecting differences, being flexible, maintaining healthy boundaries with your spouse, and seeking professional help when needed, and it is still not working, this may not be your fault.

Building new relationships with your in-laws takes time and effort, but you cannot carry that burden alone. It’s important to recognize when you have consistently made an effort, and it is not being reciprocated. If you are in this position, you may need to have more conversations with your partner and to set stronger boundaries with your in-laws. We have many resources to help you navigate these issues at Calling Home.

This Week Inside The Family Cyclebreakers Club

• Ways To Set Boundaries With Your In-Laws
• How To Respond To In-Laws That Don't Respect Your Boundaries
• How To Help Your Partner And Your Parents Have A Good Relationship