How Do I Say This?: How To Discuss Sibling Relationships With Your Parents

Parents, understandably, have their own unique views of their parenting and each of their children. It’s common to feel as if you parented your children all in the same way or to have trouble understanding why your children each have such different memories, experiences, and outcomes.

And adult siblings will often struggle to reconcile their different experiences, perceptions, and outcomes as a result of their childhood. Your adult-sibling relationship can stand alone, and it doesn’t always have to include your parents or other family members’ influence. And you may want to discuss these differences with your parents when the entire family is impacted.

If you’re an adult child who wants to discuss your sibling relationships with your parents, here are some ways to bring that up.

• “I know it’s been hard for you to see your kids argue and disagree. I feel like (insert sibling) and I have different memories of childhood and I really want to help you understand my perspective.”
• “I have been having a hard time getting along with (sibling) and I wish it wasn’t happening. I know you wish we could just get along, but we have to work through these issues first. I hope you can understand.”
• “I do not feel like you treated all of us the same. I have a lot of memories from childhood that I am currently processing and I hope we can discuss them. I know this might be hard to hear and it’s ok if we disagree. I want you to understand my perspective.”
• “I can’t spend time with (sibling) right now. I know it’s stressful for you to have your kids not getting along and not spending time in the same room. I know we will work this out at some point.”
• “I want to share why it’s been difficult for me to have a relationship with (sibling).”