How To Begin Healing From Childhood Emotional Neglect

We have been discussing the roots of childhood emotional neglect all month. If you are reading this, you have likely already recognized the signs of childhood emotional neglect in your life. And now you are wondering, how can I heal this often invisible wound?

You do not have to continue allowing this event in the past to dictate your future. This article provides eight practical steps to start healing.

Understanding The Impact Of Childhood Emotional Neglect

According to Dr. Jonice Webb, the author of Running on Empty, CEN often leads to adulthood struggles such as difficulty identifying emotions, perfectionism, and an internalized belief that your feelings do not matter. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward breaking free from them.

Step 1: Recognize the Impact of CEN

Healing begins with understanding how emotional neglect has shaped your beliefs, behaviors, and relationships. Take a moment to reflect on these questions:

• Do you struggle to name or understand your feelings?
• Do you feel unworthy of love or believe your needs are a burden?
• Do you fear intimacy or have difficulty trusting others?

These patterns may stem from unmet emotional needs in childhood. Recognizing this is not about blaming your caregivers but understanding the context of your experiences.

Step 2: Learn to Validate Your Emotions

One of the hallmarks of CEN is feeling disconnected from your emotions. Begin by learning to identify and validate them:

• Name your feelings: Use tools like an emotion wheel to identify your feelings in the moment.
• Practice self-validation: Remember that all feelings are valid and serve a purpose, even if they are uncomfortable.
• Journaling: Write about your emotions without judgment. Journaling can help you explore and process suppressed feelings.

Research shows that emotional awareness and expression are key components of emotional health (Gross, 2015). Over time, you will develop a stronger connection to your inner emotional world.

Step 3: Challenge Negative Core Beliefs

CEN often leaves adults with harmful beliefs, such as “I am not enough” or “My needs do not matter.” These beliefs are not facts; they are just messages you received as a child. To challenge them:

• Identify your core beliefs: Write down recurring thoughts or fears about yourself.
• Examine their origins: Reflect on when and where you first learned these beliefs.
• Replace them with realistic, empowering affirmations: For example, replace “I am unworthy of love” with “I deserve love and care.”

Step 4: Set Healthy Boundaries

If CEN left you with a tendency to prioritize others' needs over your own, boundary-setting might feel unfamiliar or uncomfortable. Begin with these steps:

• Define your limits: What behaviors or situations make you feel uncomfortable or drained?
• Communicate assertively: Use “I” statements, such as “I need time to recharge,” to express your boundaries.
• Start small: Practice setting boundaries in low-stakes situations before addressing more challenging ones.

Step 5: Build a Support Network

Healing from CEN often involves reconnecting with others in a meaningful way. Seek out relationships where you feel safe, understood, and supported:

• A therapist trained in trauma or emotional neglect can provide a safe space for healing.
• Connecting with others who have similar experiences can reduce feelings of isolation. This is what we do in our groups at Calling Home.
• Build relationships with people who respect your boundaries and validate your emotions. Studies show supportive relationships are a cornerstone of emotional resilience (Umberson & Montez, 2010).

Step 6: Practice Self-Compassion

Adults who experienced emotional neglect often struggle with self-criticism and perfectionism. Learning to treat yourself with kindness can be transformative:

• Acknowledge your pain and validate the impact of CEN without minimizing it.
• Replace self-criticism with self-encouragement. Speak to yourself the way you would speak to a friend.
• Self-compassion has been shown to improve emotional well-being and reduce feelings of shame (Neff, 2003).

Step 7: Reparent Yourself

Reparenting involves giving yourself the care and nurturing you did not receive as a child. It can help you internalize the sense of safety and validation you may have missed in childhood.

You can:

• Meet your own needs: Ask yourself, “What do I need right now?” and take steps to meet that need.
• Care for yourself: Practice self-soothing activities like listening to calming music or journaling.
• Celebrate your progress: Acknowledge even small steps forward in your healing journey.

Step 8: Be Patient with Yourself

Healing from emotional neglect is a process. It takes time to unlearn old patterns and develop new ways of thinking and relating. Celebrate your progress, and know that setbacks are absolutely normal.

Childhood emotional neglect is not your fault, but healing from it is your responsibility if you do not want to be ruled by the wounds for the rest of your life. By taking these steps—recognizing the impact of CEN, reconnecting with your emotions, challenging negative beliefs, and cultivating self-compassion—you will begin to feel better. As you heal, you will discover that your emotions matter, your needs are valid, and you deserve love and care.