How To Explain How Moments In The Present Are Triggering Memories Of Childhood Emotional Neglect

If you experienced childhood emotional neglect, you may find that your old feelings of being neglected come up when you are triggered in the present. As an adult, it’s so important not to project the failures of people in your past onto those in your present who have not harmed you. You may want to explain how moments in the present are triggering memories of childhood emotional neglect to people who you are close with today. You can use these scripts to help you explain.

As always, make these scripts sound like you! They are not meant to be prescriptive and are solely a guide to get you started. And one more reminder: You cannot control how these messages are received. You can only control how you deliver them. Trust that the people in your life who care about you and want to understand you will receive these messages and try to understand what you are feeling.

• "Sometimes, when certain things happen—like when I am feeling ignored or dismissed—it makes me feel how I felt as a child. I didn’t always get the emotional support I needed, and it’s made me more sensitive to rejection now. I wanted to tell you so you can understand why I might react strongly or seem distant when this happens. I’m working on it, but I appreciate your patience and understanding."
• "It’s not about you—it’s just that sometimes old memories get triggered in the present. I love and trust you, so I wanted to share this with you. If I seem upset or withdrawn, it would help me if you could check in with me or just let me process what I’m feeling."
• “Growing up, I sometimes felt like my emotions weren’t really allowed, and that had a big impact on me. When things happen now, like feeling dismissed or criticized, it can trigger those old feelings. I’m not trying to blame anyone—it’s just something I’m working through. I wanted to let you know because I value our relationship, and I think being open about this can help us understand each other better."
• "I’ve been noticing a pattern where moments in the present, like feeling rejected or overlooked, bring back memories of childhood emotional neglect. Back then, I didn’t always feel like my feelings mattered, and now, when something similar happens, it feels like those old wounds are being reopened. I’d really like to understand how to process this and communicate it better with the people in my life."
• "I just want to explain something about myself to give you context. Occasionally, if I feel excluded or unacknowledged, it might hit me harder than it should because of some unresolved feelings from my childhood. I’m working on it, but sharing this might help you understand if I seem off sometimes. It’s not about you—it’s just something I’m working through."
• "Sometimes when [specific situation] happens, it reminds me of how I felt as a child when [specific childhood experience]. I didn’t always get the emotional support I needed, and those memories can resurface in the present. I’m telling you because I trust you, and I think it’s important for you to understand where I’m coming from. I really appreciate your patience and support. I know it can be hard for you, too."