How To Express Your Feelings After Childhood Emotional Neglect

Childhood emotional neglect can make it difficult to feel your feelings and label them. You may have been taught to silence specific feelings or you were never told how to manage your feelings.

If you want to start talking about your feelings, you can start by learning what is going on in your body. Talking about your feelings is really about noticing bodily sensations and giving them names.

When you have an awareness of what is happening in your body, you can make an educated guess about what feeling it might be. Being able to label a confusing or overwhelming sensation in the body helps you feel in control. It tells your brain that you know what is going on and everything is going to be ok. When you’re able to identify what you’re feeling, you’re more able to make a decision about what you need to do. Sometimes it may lead to an action, sometimes you may just let it pass.

Feelings have a lot less power over us when they’re known and familiar. Suddenly that racing heartbeat and those sweaty palms are just clues that you’re excited, not something to be feared or suppressed. If you try to suppress your feelings, deny them, or avoid labeling them because then it makes it “real,” they will just become louder and scarier and you won’t develop skills to manage it. Next time you notice a sensation, try to just give it a name. See what happens when you notice the sensation, attach it to a feeling word, and tell yourself that you know what is happening. How you label and describe your feelings doesn’t have to make sense to other people. It just needs to make sense to you.

If you have trouble labeling your feelings, ask yourself:

• If you could give this emotion a name, what would it be?
• If this sensation in your body could talk, what do you think it would say?
• Does this feel like something you have felt before? If yes, what did you call it then?
• How would you describe this feeling?
• Try it out, when you say “I feel ____.” Does that seem right?
• When you choose a feeling word, say “I feel ____.” Try to avoid saying “I am (feeling).”

How To Feel Your Feelings Without Talking

• Sleep
• Move your body
• Connect with other people - even just being in a space with other people helps.
• Laugh
• Touch - another person or your pet.
• Journal
• Cry
• Express yourself creatively
• Just feel it: - sit with it and allow it to peak, then slowly pass. Only do this if you feel comfortable and have experience. I don’t recommend this for trauma or deeply distressing feelings.