How To Explain To Your Father You Want To Improve Your Relationship

Explaining to your father that you want to improve your relationship is a vulnerable decision. You will need to get clear on what you would like to improve, his role in improving that relationship, and how you will participate in healing that relationship.

Remember, you can do everything perfectly and your father may not be able to reciprocate your efforts. Some fathers will be too defensive or emotionally immature to accept your bid for a closer relationship. Do your best to follow this roadmap and tailor it to your own personal situation.

This is a step-by-step guide to help you initiate this conversation effectively:

1. Prepare Yourself Emotionally

Be really honest with yourself about your father’s ability to receive the information you’re going to share and his willingness to repair or change. If he has not shown any signs of willingness or ability, your expectations need to reflect this reality. You will want to take some time to prepare yourself for the reality that he may not be able to listen at this time, despite you crafting a perfect explanation and play for moving forward.

1. Choose the Right Time and Place

Find a calm, stress-free moment when both of you have time to talk without interruptions in a neutral, comfortable setting where both of you feel comfortable.

1. Start with A Positive Goal

It may be helpful to begin the conversation with positive statements to set a constructive tone, like, “Dad, I value our relationship and want us to be closer.”

1. Use "I" Statements

Try to express your feelings and needs without sounding accusatory, like, “I feel like I havent’ been able to see you very much and I want us to have a closer relationship. I miss you.”

1. Be Specific About Your Needs

Tryr to clearly articulate what changes you hope to see and what actions can help improve the relationship. “I’d love it if we could spend more time together, it would be great to have dinner every month.”

1. Attempt To Acknowledge His Perspective

Your dad likely has his own perspective for why the distance has happened. If he is communicating in a civil and compassionate manner, you can attempt to show empathy by acknowledging his potential feelings and viewpoint. “I understand you’re busy and might not realize how I feel. I’m not blaming you. I want us to work together on this.”

1. Work Together To Find Solutions

If the conversation is going well, you can both suggest specific activities or behaviors that can help bridge the gap or bring you closer.

1. Stay Calm And Try Not To React

If your father tends to show signs of emotional immaturity or narcicissim, he may react defensively or negatively, try to stay calm and reiterate your positive intentions. “I’m not trying to blame you for anything; I just want us to understand each other better.” If this does not work and the conversation continues to escalate or becomes more tense, you may need to end the conversation and reevaluate.

1. If The Conversation Goes Well, Express Gratitude and Hope For The Future

If you reach a positive conclusion, you can thank him for listening and show that you’re hopeful about a better relationship in the future.