How To Respond To An Emotionally Immature Father

Dealing with an emotionally immature father can be challenging. Whether you’re approaching him for an apology, to share your feelings, or to rebuild the relationship, you’ll want to make sure your approach is direct and helps keep you protected from further harm.

Emotional immaturity exists on a spectrum. Some of the suggestions we provide on this list will not work for your specific situation. Please use your discretion.

Manage Expectations and Accept What Is

This is extremely important when communicating with someone who consistently displays emotional immaturity. Remember that your father may not be capable of providing the emotional support or maturity you’re looking for. Adjusting your expectations can help you avoid feeling disappointed or hurt by his actions. Expect him to be who he always is, not who you wish he was.

Communicate Clearly and Calmly

When you need to address issues, do so clearly, calmly, and respectfully. Avoid getting drawn into arguments or emotional outbursts, as these can escalate the situation. This may mean keeping your tone steady and not reacting to emotional triggers that get thrown into the conversation. It’s often helpful to practice what you’re going to say in advance.

Use "I" Statements

Frame your concerns using "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, say, "I feel upset when..." instead of "You always..." People who typically display emotional immaturity may become defensive when statements of blame are directed at them.

Limit Interactions

You may need to limit the amount of time you spend with your emotionally immature father. Reducing contact can minimize stress and give you more control over your interactions.

Avoid Difficult Topics

Identify topics that often lead to conflict or emotional immaturity and steer clear of them when possible. If you know that you and your father cannot discuss politics without getting triggered, you may need to avoid this topic indefinitely.

Try To Stay Neutral

Remain neutral during interactions. This means not getting too emotionally involved or reactive. Practice staying calm and composed. You can use the grey rock technique and not become reactive when your emotionally immature father is deliberately trying to elicit a reaction from you.

Example Scripts: Communicating With An Emotionally Immature Father

• “That’s interesting. I’ll think about it.”
• “I appreciate your concern, but I have already decided what I’m going to do.”
• When a typically problematic topic arises, steer the conversation to neutral grounds or change the subject.
• “I’m not looking for advice on that right now.”
• Direct the conversation back to them and ask about something in their life.