How To Be A Good In-Law To Your Adult Child's Partner

Being a good in-law to your adult child's partner involves showing respect, support, and consideration for their relationship and individual needs. You may not love everything about them, but your commitment to building a relationship with them will help you maintain strong ties with your adult child.

Your ultimate goal as a parent is to ensure your adult child is with someone who supports and loves them. If your adult child is being treated with respect and they want to be with their partner, you must find a way to support them in this relationship. Attempting to attack, disparage, or separate them from their partner will do nothing but damage your relationship.

In this article, I will provide you with tips on how to be a positive influence in their lives.

How To Be A Good In-Law To Your Adult Child’s Partner

Respect Their Relationship

Respect your adult child's relationship with their partner and acknowledge that they are adults capable of making their own decisions. Avoid interfering or offering unsolicited advice unless asked, and refrain from criticizing their choices or relationship dynamics. Unless your child is in actual physical or emotional danger, you will need to find a way to respect their relationship and support them.

Welcome Them Into the Family

Try to welcome your adult child's partner into your family with open arms. Extend hospitality and warmth, and show genuine interest in getting to know them as an individual. Make them feel included in family gatherings and traditions, and treat them with kindness and respect.

Be Supportive

Support and encourage your adult child and their partner, especially during challenging times. Be a source of emotional support and guidance when needed, and offer assistance without expecting anything in return. Show that you have their best interests at heart and that you are there for them unconditionally.

Respect Their Boundaries

Respect the boundaries and preferences of your adult child and their partner. Avoid prying into their personal lives or making assumptions about their relationship dynamics. Instead, give them space to define their boundaries and make the best decisions for them as a couple. Their relationship may operate differently than yours did or how you expected. What matters is that your adult child and their partner are happy and prioritizing their partnership in the way that makes sense for them.

Communicate Effectively

Maintain open and honest communication with your adult child and their partner. Listen actively to their perspectives and concerns, and express your thoughts and feelings respectfully and constructively. Communicate with kindness and empathy, and avoid judgment or criticism.

Be Inclusive

Include your adult child's partner in family events, celebrations, and traditions. Make an effort to involve them in family activities and gatherings, and treat them as an equal family member. Show appreciation for their contributions and make them feel valued and accepted.

Respect Their Independence

Respect the independence and autonomy of your adult child and their partner. Avoid trying to control or manipulate their decisions, and trust that they can make the best choices for themselves and their relationship. Offer guidance and support when needed, but allow them the freedom to live their lives on their terms. This is often one of the most challenging tasks for parents of adult children immediately following their marriage or partnership. Remind yourself that if you did a great job raising your child, they know how to operate within their relationship without your constant interference.

Celebrate Their Achievements

Celebrate the achievements and milestones of your adult child and their partner, individually and as a couple. Show genuine enthusiasm and pride in their accomplishments, and offer encouragement and support. Let them know you are proud of their achievements and believe in their potential.

This Isn’t Always Easy, But It’s Worth It

Everyone has the potential to be difficult, including you and the person your child chooses to partner with. Remember, you are the elder in this situation, and your leadership skills are extremely valuable. When you can model respectful communication and healthy relational skills, you are more likely to get that back from your adult child and their partner. Even when they act in a way that you do not appreciate or understand, you can rise above and model emotional maturity.

By following these tips, you can foster a positive and supportive relationship with your adult child's partner, creating a welcoming and inclusive family environment where everyone feels valued and respected.