How To Go No-Contact With Your In-laws

Deciding to go no-contact with your in-laws is a really difficult decision. It usually comes after years of attempts to reconcile, set boundaries, and communicate in a healthy manner. You may decide to go no-contact with your in-laws while your partner remains in contact with them. Or, you and your partner have both decided to end this relationship. This is an emotionally challenging decision, and I truly believe no one wants to be in this position.

Whether ongoing conflicts, toxic behavior, or other irreconcilable differences led you here, estrangement may be the only way you can secure relief and protection for your mental and emotional well-being. However, navigating this process requires careful consideration, clear boundaries, and collaboration between you and your partner.

In this article, we'll explore the steps involved in going no-contact with your in-laws, how to communicate your decision effectively, and strategies for maintaining your boundaries, your partnership, and your mental health throughout the process.

How To Go No Contact With Your In-laws

Reflect On Your Reasons for Going No-Contact

Before taking this big step, take the time to reflect on your reasons for considering no-contact with your in-laws. Evaluate the impact of their behavior on your mental health, well-being, and relationships. You may want to consider seeking guidance from a therapist or counselor to gain clarity and perspective.

While I know most people do not take this decision lightly, it is a very big decision that you may not be able to walk back from. You want to ensure that you and your partner have clarity around your reasons and feel secure in your decision to take this next step. It may be helpful to list the consequences of continuing this relationship and the different incidents you have dealt with over the last several years. You may find that boundaries or low contact are a better decision for you at this time, or you may decide that you have to end this relationship to save yourself.

Discuss The Decision with Your Partner

Going no-contact with your in-laws is a big decision that affects you and your partner. Have an open and honest conversation with your partner about your feelings, concerns, and reasons for wanting to become estranged. Listen to their perspective and work together to reach a mutual understanding and agreement.

Set Clear Boundaries

Establish clear boundaries with your partner and your in-laws regarding communication, visits, and involvement in your life. Clearly communicate your decision to go no-contact and outline the specific boundaries you're putting in place. Be firm but respectful in asserting your boundaries, and be prepared to enforce them consistently. It’s best to explain your decision in a way that feels most comfortable for you. You cannot control how they receive this information and you make sure that you feel confident with your decision and how you explained yourself.

Communicate Your Decision Respectfully

When communicating your decision to go no-contact with your in-laws, remain respectful and clear. Choose a calm and neutral setting to have the conversation and focus on explaining how their behavior impacts you and your well-being.

Anticipate Reactions

Your decision may elicit a range of emotions and reactions from your in-laws, including denial, anger, guilt, or attempts to change your mind. Be prepared to set and enforce boundaries to protect yourself from any abusive or manipulative behavior.

Seek Outside Support

Going no-contact with your in-laws can be emotionally challenging and lonely, so it's essential to seek support from your peers and support circle. This is also why we started Calling Home. Surround yourself with people who understand and respect your decision and who can offer you emotional support, validation, and encouragement during this difficult time.

Focus on Self-Care

Prioritize self-care and focus on healing and rebuilding your emotional well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy, relaxation, and fulfillment. It’s normal to feel good right after making this decision and then to experience a dip in your mood or experience guilt, shame, or confusion.

Stay Firm in Your Decision Until Something Changes

Going no-contact with your in-laws may be met with resistance or attempts to manipulate or guilt-trip you into changing your mind. Stay firm in your decision for as long as needed and remind yourself of the reasons why you chose to estrange from them in the first place. Trust yourself and your instincts, and don't let external pressure sway your decision. If things change and behavior is corrected, you can always attempt to resume the relationship when it is safe. People can always change and grow. If you decide that the relationship would now be safe and beneficial, you can resume contact if and when you’re ready.

Reassess and Adjust as Needed

Periodically reassess your decision to go no-contact with your in-laws and evaluate whether it's still serving your best interests and well-being. Be open to adjusting your boundaries or reconsidering your decision if circumstances change or if you feel ready to revisit your relationship with your in-laws in the future.

This Isn’t An Easy Process, And It Doesn’t Have To Be Forever

Going no-contact with your in-laws is a significant decision that requires careful consideration, clear boundaries, and support from your partner and loved ones. By reflecting on your reasons for estrangement, communicating your decision respectfully, and prioritizing self-care and healing, you can navigate this challenging process with more confidence and clarity. Remember that you have the right to protect your mental and emotional well-being and that setting boundaries in unhealthy relationships is often an important act of self-preservation and self-care.