How To Tell Your Partner About An Issue You're Having With Their Parent(s) Or A Family Member

Remember, these suggestions will likely only work with a partner who is willing to listen to you and understand your perspective. Try to use these (make them sound like you) to the best of your ability and adjust your approach accordingly.

Here are some tips and scripts for approaching this conversation:

Express Your Feelings Using "I" Statements

• "I've been feeling uncomfortable about something that happened with your parents, and I wanted to talk to you about it. When [describe the specific behavior or situation], I feel [explain how it makes you feel]."

Focus on Specific Behaviors

• "I've noticed that your parent criticizes me every time they come to our house, and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Can we discuss how we can address this together?"

Try To Acknowledge Your Partner's Feelings

• "I understand that your relationship with your parent is important to you, and I respect that. However, I'm feeling [describe your feelings] about [specific behavior]. Can we find a solution together that respects both of our perspectives?"

• "I want to know how you feel about this, too. How do you see what is happening, and what do you think would be the best way to address it?"

Propose Solutions

• "I think it's important for us to address this issue together. How do you think we can approach this and have a good relationship with your parent?"

Offer Examples and Provide Context When Needed

• "For example, the last time we saw your Dad, he made several comments about [topic], which made me feel uncomfortable. I don’t want this pattern to continue, and I wanted to address it with you."

Reassure Your Partner of Your Support

• "I want to make sure we're on the same page and that we can support each other here. Our relationship is important to me, and I want to work through this together. I am trying not to put you in a difficult position with your parents, and I want you to know how I feel."

• "No matter what, I want us to be able to talk about this and resolve any together. Our relationship is a priority for me, and I'm committed to working through this with you."

Avoid Blame and Criticism

• "I don't want to come across as criticizing your parent or causing conflict. I want to address this because it’s been on my mind, and I want to find a solution that works for both of us."

Seek Outside Support Together if Needed

• "If we can’t figure this out on our own, would you be open to seeing a therapist? I think having an outside perspective could help us navigate this situation."