How To Set Boundaries With An Emotionally Immature Person

Setting boundaries with emotionally immature people can be quite challenging and requires a different approach. As a member of The Family Cyclebreakers Club, you know that you can only control what you say and how you say it. You cannot control how it is received or how the other person reacts.

Unfortunately, emotionally immature adults do not like boundaries. They are more likely to have a volatile reaction or to give the silent treatment after someone sets a boundary with them. So, you should focus less on changing them and more on how you want to communicate with them.

When setting a boundary with an emotionally immature person,

• Stay focused on the goal of the conversation. Lindsey C. Gibson highlights this in her book, and I discuss it in more detail in the podcast episode How To Deal With Emotionally Immature People on Calling Home. What do you want to accomplish?
• State your boundary clearly and respectfully, then relinquish control over the situation. What they decide to do next is on them.
• Remember that emotionally immature people do not like boundaries. A negative reaction doesn’t mean that you are doing anything wrong.
• Be consistent. You will be responsible for upholding the boundary and ensuring that you are doing what you said you will do. This is a way to build trust and respect with yourself and the other person.

You also need to decide if this is a boundary you want to communicate. Not all boundaries need to be communicated to the other person, especially if the relationship is unsafe or you are estranged. You can set boundaries with yourself, such as, "I will not respond to attempts to guilt me,” “or I will not talk about X topic with them."